~Entirely loved Jolie’s Maleficent. Great work from all the production teams, with a refreshing take on a known tale. We have another awesome female role model, who is not only kick arse whilst being able to feel vast ranges of emotion, but can also continue to grow after suffering enormous loss.
~At Guard Up’s Summer Camp in final countdown to a week of zombie combat, armed with Nerf and ready to fight back the horde. Good times!
Game of Thrones- who can get enough? Not I!
I recently came across my friend Raab Rashi (of Sword Class NYC)’s Facebook post asking for input on how to fight the Mountain that Rides, in preparation for his interview with Esquire Magazine.
There were as many methods as comments, including suggestions such as “go for the weak spots in his armor”…”poison him”… “shoot him with a gun”… “attack the feet” and even the sensible, “don’t”.
I was initially intimidated and first agreed with the many people who suggested “run away”, but then realised actually, Ser Greggor is just a man, albeit a huge one. Same biology, same fragility. So I threw my perspective into the mix.
I should clarify that I’m focused on the ultimate goal: Defeat Cleggane. I’m not talking about the sword play, which follows the usual rules of ‘bind the sword with physics, use his force against him until you gain an advantage”. I’m talking about the messy bit that comes when you fight a big, angry armored man who needs more than a cut or two to take him down.
Above: In Westeros, wearing a helmet isn’t as important as looking good in a fight.
Armoured fighting is about close plays, you can’t rely on lucky shots with your sword between the gaps. You have to go all the way.
With that in mind, here is my advice:
"Hit him with the biggest thing you can find: planet Earth. A man like Gregor is used to being a mountain, ergo: upright, so find a way to topple him. Any way, I’m not fussy. Environmental trip hazards, leg damage, or simply allowing him to over-commit to his blow- then throw him once he’s overbalanced. All that mass is going to hit hard, and any longer weapons are devoid of use. Remember- swords are only one tool to use in winning a fight.
Once he’s on the ground, break him up into little bits. Get on his head, take away his range of motion. Wrist/forearm (lock), neck (crack), the diaphragm (crush). Despite his great size, even a child’s body is larger than these. If he is facing down, take an arm and rip that shoulder backwards, up, and out. If he faces up, get past the hands and inside the helmet asap, take out some vital organs.
Assuming he may be a freak and doesn’t respond to pain penalties, start cutting up the pipes until all the pressure goes from his system, and he bleeds out.
That said, I would avoid fighting with Gregor Cleggane unless absolutely necessary. Also, the above assumes he is fully armoured and that this is a “fair” fight. If not, I would use any methods to take him down without getting into close contact.
I have met Conan Stevens, been drinking with him even. I know just how huge (and fast) that dude is. I know he’s since been Doctor Who’d out of the role, but given they have replaced him with Hafþór Björnsson, the third-strongest man in world comps and a former basketball player goes to show Cleggane’s not a slow, lumbering hulk.”
Above: Lena Headey proves just how high Mount Hafþór really is.
It should be noted that my advice above is not what you’d consider for your average duel. Given the extremely violent world of Westeros, I’d use that level of brutality just in case the Almighty Lord GRR was tempted to smite me. I’ve heard he’s known to do that.
With warmth to all you warriors* out there (*in heart if nothing else)!
Top: Conan Stevens as the original Mountain that Rides.
Fun fact: Conan also played the magnificently evil Azog, of Middle Earth, sharing the role with Manu Bennett.
~A shout out for our beautiful trans or genderqueer sisterbrothers!
I’m lucky enough that my body matches my soul, but only a few degrees different while I was cooking in the womb could have made my life so unimaginably hard.
We don’t live in a society that values the amazing gift of genderfluidity, but still I’m so glad I can live as a young woman with the vast freedoms that others have fought and bought for me.
To all who are struggling, whatever your reason: courage, friends.